01 Mar Hormones are tricky devils

Do you remember being a teenager or maybe you’ve even got one now? The monthly mood swings? The complete unpredictability of how anything said would be received? The tears that flowed for no apparent reason only to be replaced by raging fury within moments?

Do you remember feeling possessed and completely out of control? Or have you stood by and watched your offspring wondering who on earth they were and where the sweet, loving child had gone? Can you remember how flaming scary it was?

The chances are that, if you are a woman in midlife (which is likely as you’re here in the first place) you know only too well how all this feels because you’ve felt it more recently than those teenage years or are feeling it now.

Because this stage of my life feels like being a teenager all over again but with saggier bits and a bigger waistline.

18 months ago, I decided I couldn’t cope any longer feeling possessed and trying to think my way through the simplest of things. I no longer felt it was fair to put my family through the incandescent and unpredictable rages and the cat through the indignity of being thrown off the bed just as she got settled every 45 minutes at night as another hot flush hit.

I went to the doctor and got myself some HRT.

Literally overnight (I am not exaggerating) I felt so much better. I put my patch on before I went to bed, feeling mildly optimistic, very tired and a bit meh and woke up after the best night’s sleep in ages with more energy than I’d had in months and thinking (almost) clearly! I bounced in to work and regaled anyone who would listen with my joy!

I couldn’t believe it had worked so quickly.

Since then I have pretty much been on an even keel. However over the last couple of months I have started to notice a return of the irritability fairy, the odd unstable mood swing and lethargy. I had started to think I needed to talk to the doctor, but, you know, life is busy and doctors aren’t easy to get hold of so I procrastinated.

Last Thursday my body did what bodies do if you ignore them when they need help. It had a full on tantrum. I was struggling on Wednesday at work and thought it was just the return after the Half Term Holidays – the kids were not complying ad I really couldn’t explain myself clearly. But I thought Thursday would be better. It wasn’t. I bumbled my way through a Maths lesson – just one lesson I had to do that day – and a lunchtime meeting with the Eco-Committee, sat down in PPA (non-contact planning time we get as teachers) and the thinking through treacle began. I could not for the life of me get anything straight in my head. Conversations with my lovely year colleagues made no sense. And I started, to my embarrassment, to cry. The odd tear at first which became a torrent. I couldn’t stop it! Every time I pulled it together, I started again! I had to ask my boss to get me some tissues because I couldn’t move from my desk – I was such a snotty mess I would have terrified the kids!! This went on for nearly 2 hours in total. I was no better when I got home, crying several times during the evening and ranting at the husband that I needed out of that damn job because I could no longer do it.

Being a Thursday, I changed my patch and went to bed, thoroughly expecting to get up the next morning and have to phone in sick because I was so unstable and, I assumed, depressed.

Guess what?

I woke up on Friday morning feeling full of energy and totally together.

I kid you not. I bodyscanned for signs of anxiety and panic. Nothing. None. I looked for depression, incandescent rage, fear. Nothing.

I went to work and I had a good day! I had the kids under control, I caught them up with the ground we’d lost the previous couple of days and I had fun!

Today I called the doctor. He has prescribed the next level up of my patches. I pick them up later. I am so excited, I feel like a kid on a day trip! I know that I am going to feel wonderful again.

So, is this TMI? I hope not. There are two messages I want to give here:

1. Don’t ignore your body’s needs or you’ll be sorry!
2. You don’t have to suffer with this period of your life. I know HRT isn’t for everyone and I am not an expert on what else is out there, but YOU know when things aren’t right so get the help you need. It isn’t just the way it is, it isn’t what you have to go through.

Listen to yourself. Trust that you know what you need. Put your own oxygen mask on first and do what you need to do. And if you need support with that get in touch.