02 Oct Grief comes in layers

I couldn’t not talk about the passing of Queen Elizabeth II in this month’s blog. For many of us, it will be one of those momentous occasions that we will always be able to recall where we were when we heard the news that our Queen had died. In the days that followed and including the funeral, there were many different reactions and many different feelings: shock, disbelief, sadness, pride, celebration. For many. Not all.

The thing that came up for me time and time again amongst those I am in contact with, is that the death of the Queen brought back feelings of loss and grief of other family members and of friends. Perhaps because of her age and gender, the first waves of revisited grief seemed to be of grandmothers and mothers. My own daughter asked whether she was being selfish to cry for her Grandma who only passed in July of last year, as the Queen’s announcement was made. I reassured her that, no, this was perfectly normal, only to have it confirmed by friend after friend in the coming days.

Then came the grief over fathers and Grandfathers. Of friends and anyone else that had ever been lost and grieved for. It seemed to come in waves.

Unfortunately, I have had more than my fair share of losses and the thing I have learned is that no matter how many you have, each one is different and hits you in different ways. I used to think that, because of my many experiences, that I would somehow be immune to the effects of grief or at least handle it better with each incidence. Not so. It doesn’t get worse, but it certainly doesn’t get better. With each passing, I am reminded of the others and it just adds another layer.

However, what my experience with grief has taught me is that with every passing there is the opportunity to revisit the enormous gratitude I have for each of those I have lost. I believe it was the Queen who said: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” I agree with her wholeheartedly.  Grief is painful. It is unpredictable and personal. But when you can begin to focus on the gift that you had of that person’s life in the first place, I think the grief becomes easier to accept. For as long as you hold those you have lost in your heart and your memory, they will continue to be by your side.

Queen Elizabeth’s duty and dignity are things I will always be grateful for and as life goes on for us, now that the tears have calmed down, that is what I will focus on.