08 Dec Tough Time

I’ve been going through a Tough Time recently. I won’t bore you with too many details, but an ongoing health issue coincided with an unexpected family bereavement and knocked me flat. I’ve mentioned before that I am no stranger to depression, but it has been many years since I have had a bout bad enough to really catch me off guard and stop me functioning. I think I was getting a little complacent actually. The same with grief. Been there, done that, I know how it works. Life has a wonderful – and terrifying – way of reminding you of who is in charge. It’s a bit like when my daughter was a baby and I just thought I knew what was going on and had it sussed, when she would suddenly change her patterns and I would be left in a complete muddle again! That’s what life has done to me recently. I went right down to a place I’ve not visited for a long time and didn’t want to visit again. And I am still recovering. I am bruised and tired and emotional and raw.

The healthy and strong individual is the one who asks for help when he needs it. Whether he’s got an abscess on his knee or in his soul. – Rona Barrett

But I’m OK. And I’m going to be OK. I will never be the same person I was before all this happened, but I will be wiser and stronger and more compassionate. I have learnt that I don’t have to have all the answers, even if I am a Life Coach. I am not a failure because I had to give in to this Tough Time and seek help from others.

So what I will pass on to you, if you are going through a Tough Time is this:

• Find someone to talk to. A friend, your partner. Or if you feel that you cannot talk to them, call the Samaritans. Don’t think your need is too unimportant. You can call them from any phone on 116123. You don’t have to be suicidal, you can call them about anything and they will listen for as long as you need them to. Or there are specialist organisations: Mind, Cruse Bereavement Care, all have helplines.
• Go and see your Doctor. They are not just there to dispense pills, but can put you in touch with people who can help, or give you time off work if that is what you need.
• If you are ill and your body needs to recover, then give it that time. I know we all need to work, but we cannot do our jobs properly if we are ill. Listen to your body and identify what it needs. If you ignore it, you will regret it in one way or another, sooner or later.
• Prioritise self-care. Try meditation or mindfulness. Go for a walk, get some fresh air – it really does help. Exercise if you are able to.
• Watch something that makes you laugh – they say it is the best medicine and it really does help.
• Try writing your feelings down in a journal. It gives you clarity and perspective. It helps you to identify the underlying cause of your unease.
• Accept that sometimes you have no control over what life throws at you, but you are in control of how you deal with it. And that doesn’t mean you have to cope with it on your own. Coping is also about knowing who to contact for help and support.
• Have faith that this period will end and you will come through it. You don’t have to rush and you may not be the same afterwards but you will, with patience and kindness towards yourself, come out the other side.
• Coaching can help you move forward if you need to help figure out your direction, but if you need help from a past event then counselling may be what you need.

It’s been a really tough couple of months. And I know it isn’t over yet. But I know now I am not on my own and I don’t have to be strong all the time. Indeed, one of the biggest lessons I have taken from this is that part of being strong is knowing when you cannot make it on your own. Asking for help is not a weakness, neither is prioritising yourself. So if you are going through a Tough Time, know that you are not alone and that there is help out there. Look after yourself.